Can't break free

I'm in a funk and I can't break free. I'm home all alone again,bored, sad, no one to talk to, so I turn to my blog, that has maybe 4 readers. Here are my words. I feel so strange right now. I was in bed till 12:30 today and want to go back to bed. I want to go on a hike but the weather sucks. I feel crappy. I don't know how to break out of the way I feel. I'm not happy and I could really use some prayers sent my way right about now. I haven't felt like this is about 4 years. This weekend brought back a lot of repressed memories and I don't like it. I really shouldn't be alone right now, but I am. Everyone else is out tonight, for it is Halloween, frankly I hate halloween. It's a stupid day. Tomorrow I am throwing my class a All Saint's Day party, none of my presents came in the mail, I am unprepared now and I want to cry. I feel like curling up in a fetal position in my back yard, laying there, hoping for rain. My mood sucks. Maybe it's good I'm alone right now. I doubt I would answer anyone if they tried to call me anyway. I'm not in a party mood so I don't know how tomorrow will actually go. I don't even feel like putting on my Saint costume. I doubt anyone will be able to tell what Saint I am anyway. What's the point to any of this? Life pretty much just sucks right now. Things are going horribly wrong. I am praying that church will shine some light on me tomorrow. Church is great for my soul. I need to go on a retreat. I miss the retreats I attended in youth group. They helped keep me focused. I hope the yankees lose tonight. I pray for my future. I'm scared of what it holds. So many questions are unanswered. Things are difficult. I have no one to talk to but this blog. I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear. I feel like I'm bleeding but no one can tell. I feel like I'm drowning but no one notices.

When did I become invisible?