Jellyfish

I am a jellyfish, a spineless, no backbone jellyfish and to make this worse, I'm the clear kind with no ability to actually sting or cause pain. I just float around doing what ever I can, listening to people, waiting on people hand and foot and I'm walked all over because of it.





This is how I feel. I completely lack the ability to say "no" to anyone. I'm so content on making sure everyone else is happy that I forget what makes me happy. I wear myself thin on a regular basis to the point where I pass out in my bed of pure exhaustion.





I'm so worried about everyone else and making sure everyone is safe and happy and okay that I get exhausted. It goes from sun up till shut eye. It's an endless cycle I fear I will never be rid of.





Yesterday was my first day in like 10 weeks to sleep in. I literally slept in till 12:09 because I was that exhausted. When I woke up, I had cookies to bake, laundry to do, lesson plans to make and was constantly going till 1:00am, when I finally crashed a little too late and now am exhausted after CCD and church. How do I break this vicious cycle? I do I learn to say "no". I fear I never will.

I can't even control a classroom of 4th graders. I'm embrassed and wondering if I made a mistake. Am I making a difference? Are they learning? or do I suck as a teacher and need to find a new life goal? No idea, I'm sooooo tired.

Soooooooooooooo I guess I'll keep floating around in the ocean of life until a shark finally takes enough of me, that there is nothing left. I don't know what else to do. I'm a people pleaser and will be till the day I die.