I feel like I am in a downward spiral, falling faster into a pool in which will lead to a watery death, reaching out for a hand to grab, I'm left struggling, praying to God for help. I feel as though I can't breath. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I just need to get some things off my chest before my lungs fill with water.
I have been at my "new" job for a year now. I get paid a reasonable amount, but don't have a penny saved to my name. Not one cent in a year of hard labor. Something is not right with this picture. I have students loans out the you know, we are all there right now, medical bills to pay, gas, food, cell phone, it all adds up and it's all slowly killing me. I look to my left and right and find no way out, and it's not even like I am spending money on useless things. I hardly ever buy something for myself, I don't get to go shopping very often. The only things this summer I have bought for me, were tickets, to the Rascal Flatts concert and my Orioles games.
Maybe it was being too kind of a person that got me in this mess, I bought 4 baseball tickets earlier this year and lied to my friends about the price I paid because they are all in college and I wanted us to have good seats, maybe it was buying 6 hershey park tickets for my friends and letting them pay me back "whenever". Don't get me wrong, they paid me back, they are good friends, but I am so much into doing things for others to make them happy, that I end up being unhappy.
I have been blessed too, no doubt, that's why I don't have to pay for my hotel room this weekend, God in turned blessed me with amazing people, but it just seems that when ever I think I have my head above the water and can see the light toward good credit and no debt, something else hits me in the head, knocking me under and once again getting me stuck in a downward current.
Maybe I need a second job, I don't know. When I was praying to God about it eariler, I got really, really dizzy. I don't know what that means either, all I know is the only way I can make it out is to be 100% dependent on God. I need His help to free me of this whirlpool.
1 comment:
A friend of mine said that everyone should have 2 jobs, the Alpha job that is in charged of paying all of the grownup bills and a second job whose income goes into a spend me with no regrets fund that can be used for anything that happens to come up.
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