Thoughts...

What are your thoughts on internet dating?? Pros, Cons, etc.

I need to know.

Thanks! :-D

Puppet on a String...

Or so this is how I feel... everyday constantly doing what everyone wants of me, listening and trying to make everyone else happy but myself. I'm tired. I have a knot in my neck and a headache too. I focus so much on making sure that everyone else is happy that I never take the time to do much for myself. I feel like a puppet who is passed from hand to hand and they make me dance, or fall or whatever may be amusing to them, they laugh and pass me along to the next person in line, almost like I'm a circus freak or something. Maybe I wouldn't go that far... but still.

Sitting at work today, I can't help but wonder if I actually did miss my true calling for a career. I love my job, the people I work with, the patients and all, but can I really see myself at that desk for the rest of my life? No. I really don't see much room for advancing and September 12 will be 1 year since I started. I see myself once again getting comfortable, like at Darrenkamps and not fully expanding my wings and soaring into the great unknown. It's strange. I know that if I am at that job forever, I would come home from work and complain to my husband.

I want one of those jobs that you wake up every morning ready for the day and excited. Is teaching that vocation for me? Who knows, I'm testing the waters though. I am teaching 4th grade CCD this year, I get to teach the 10 Commandments :-D very excited!! I have a lot to read and will be doing some research, because I am sure that many children will have questions. It's going to be exciting and once again I'm doing one of my goals for this 23rd year of my life, I'm doing something that scares me. Alone in a room full of 4th graders, I'm afraid of not teaching them properly. I have faith though that God will give me the answers I need.

Hershey Park yesterday was a blast. It was our 3rd annual trip and I can totally see my group of friends and I still doing this when we are 40. We really are big kids at heart. I love them all and miss hanging out with them on a regular basis... I guess that comes with getting older and having more responsiblities. I want to go back up again this summer though, we didn't get to do any of the water park, it was actually too cold, can you believe it?? Too cold on July 22?? Who knew??

Anyway, if anyone is interested in going up, let me know. I can get discounted tickets :-D

Has anyone ever noticed how music can have such healing powers?? When I get upset and stressed at work, I put my headphones on, put it on shuffle and search for the perfect song to help melt my stress away, today it was Josh Groban's "You Are Loved" *sigh* what a voice. I have quiet the mix of 70's, 80's, 90's music, country music, worship music, disney music and of course broadway. I never know what song will help, but the perfect one always seems to find me (I would hope with over 400 songs on my mp3, I'd at least find one perfect song lol). Anyway, I feel better now after all this, looking forward to the weekend. God is so good.

Love you all,

Kelly

I feel...

I feel as though I have nothing to blog about but something is tugging on me to post anyway... I have nine work days until I leave and I keep looking at the time and saying "this time in 2 weeks..." it's driving me crazy!

I also have many feelings making my heart race, but too much going through my head... I had a dream last night that I got shot in the back taking my dog to the vet and the doctor's wouldn't remove the bullet because they were afraid of rupturing a vital organ... I have strange dreams...

Anyone know how to shut off a mind that won't stop??

You know what else drive me crazy?? Bathing suit shopping. Seriously, the fact that you have to purchase the top seperate from the bottom is outrageous. And then when you think, oh, I'll show them, I'll purchase a one piece, it's as much as the two piece bathing suit put together. Not to mention the objective of attempting to find a modest bathing suit in an inmodest society, it's enough to drive a girl insane! I found the perfect bathing suit at Sears yesterday, perfect until I looked at the piece and it would have cost me $80.00 for it! I mean come on, I'm seriously considering just wearing old clothes into the ocean, cause after all, I'm going with family and my objective is to have fun and not actually pick up guys at the beach lol. You don't need a $80.00 bathing suit to boogey board with your 12 year old cousins afterall.

Our monthly breakfast yesterday was a lot of fun, my family is loud and draws attention no matter where we good but it's okay.

I have failed attempting to get everything I needed for the beach in advance, it looks like I have to do all my shopping the friday before we leave. grrr... oh well, it will all work out. The most imporant thing has already been purchased, SPF 50 sunscreen. I refuse to come back looking like a lobster my uncle would eat for dinner.

I'm so excited. I just hope it's all I think it will be.

The Orioles won today!!! 10-2 it was an awesome game. I'm thinking about going to a game September 1, the yankees are in town and I need to help paint the stadium Orange, it anyone would like to attend with me, let me know. It's a free tee shirt night too! Go Orioles! the season is more than half way over :-(

Update :-D

Lots has happened recently :-D it's all good. I have decided to teach 4th grade CCD this year, pending approval and all from my church :-D I'm really excited. I have always been drawn to teaching and have been telling my mother that since I was 3 I wanted to be a teacher... Should have went to school for it, but I was scared of the SAT's, seriously I was scared... ah well... If it goes successfully I might just end up going back to school. That also scares me, on many levels. I want to go to school to be a high school history or religion teacher. But here are my anxieties about it:

1. my age, I'm 23, by the time I would have graduated, I'll be 27. By 27 I'd like to be a wife and mother... not just graduating from school.

2. additional loans... student loans suck and I don't want to pay back more money.

but I do know that I need changes. And I promised myself that for my 23rd birthday I would start doing things that scare me. Which means I need to listen to my heart, follow my dreams and have no regrets. *sigh*

I am very excited about the thought of teaching CCD. On my way home from work the other day, I had my mp3 player in my right ear (my radio doesn't work, forgive me) and a song I had almost forgotten about came on (I have 430 songs on my mp3) it was a song that was given to me by the Diocese before venturing off to WYD and seeing JP2. John Paul II voice came through the ear piece telling me "Dear Young Friends, I pray that your faith in Christ will always be lively and strong this way you will always be ready to tell others the reason for your hope, you will be messengers, hope for the world." Do I have ever want to be hope for the world! Powerful message from a man that has such a close place in my heart.

My trip to World Youth Day in 2003, changed my life forever and made me who I am today. I still remember everything from that trip and strive to be the "Light of the World, Salt of the Earth". This is a small step in that direction. I'm so excited!

In other "news" I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter. I admit it, I am a HUGE fan, I've read all the books over and over and over again, I love the movies and I will sit there and tell you everything the movie left out. It's one of the many things I enjoy, some see it as a flaw, some agree with me, it's awesome and I love it. Can't help it. Anyway, the movie was good, the beginning was mixed up a little and things obviously were left out, like always, the book is much better. But if you've read the book, I suggest going and seeing it, my sister and I are going again this weekend, if anyone wants to come, let me know :-D

Tomorrow is Friday, Saturday is the Wilson Woman's Monthly Breakfast :-D I leave for the Beach is 2 weeks from Sunday. Life is good and God is amazing :-D

Reflecting

So the past couple of weeks have been a bit rough for me in on a bunch of different levels. I'm still not happy with the direction my life is going and I am praying to God daily about this. I have faith in Christ that everything will turn out alright and eventually I will be happy. I need to be more open to God's will and I need to try and control things less. I am sooo looking forward to Mass tomorrow and now I also get to go to Adoration for a hour. I haven't been in a long time and am looking forward to turning my phone off, shutting out the world and just spending one on one time with Christ.

At the mall on Friday I came across a ring that I had to buy at JC Penny's. It says "Everything is possible when you have faith." I am going to wear this on a daily basis to remind myself to stand strong in my faith and allow God to take control.

I do feel as though I am suffering though, in ways I can not fully describe or write about. It's difficult to fully express the way I feel especially because I know so many of my other family members and friends are going through the same things. While searching through my Bible tonight, I came across a passage that seemed to shed some light on all this for me:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. but rejoice insofar as you are sharing Christ's sufferings, so that you may also be glad and shout for joy when his glory is revealed. If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the spirit of glory, which is the Spirit of God, is resting on you. But let none of you suffer as a murdere, a thief, a criminal or even as a mischief maker. Yet if any of you suffers as a Christian, do not consider it a disgrace, but glorify God beacuse you bear this name. For the time has come for judgment to being with the household of God; if it begins with us, what will the end for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And "If it is hard for the righteou to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinners?" Therefore, let those suffering in accordance with God's will entrust themselves to a faithful Creator, while continuing to do good. 1 Peter 4 12:19

That's what I need to do, glorify God and suffer in accordance to God's will. I need to trust God because I know he only wants what's best for me. I need to fully entrust myself to God and STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING! especially my "love life" or lack there of, obviously it's not time for me to be with Prince Charming, I need to be patient and trust God's will for the day will come when I get to meet my prince and things will fall into place and it will be good because it will be what God brought together and not something I was "desperately searching for". I won't settle.

God is in control! I'm going to go listen to that song now before bed. I hope that someone else who reads this tonight also finds it helpful. So many of us are in similar boats, my wish is that my random thoughts can help others.

God bless! Love you all!

untitled

So I just found out that one of the only people I still talk to from high school and actually still like is getting deployed on his birthday :-( that makes me sad though I know he's okay about it and it's what he wants to do. Being raised in a military family, it always hits me hard when someone I know is going to war. My Pop-Pop (and one of my hero's) fought in World War II, and Korea and was still active during Vietnam, but luckily didn't have to go. He was a Staff Sargent and a paratrooper and he received multiple Purple Hearts. I remember his funeral, he had a full military funeral complete with Taps and a gun salute, to this day I can't hear the National Anthem or Taps without crying. My Uncle Jim was also in the army, I'm not sure what wars, but I do know that one night he was out to the bar with his buddy, forgot something inside and when he came back out, his friend was dead. My Uncle Tommy is still active in the military. My cousin Christopher lost his arm in Iraq. One of my church families son's is currently overseas. My Grandpa was in the Navy. A great uncle of mine served in World War I and actually died in his submarine off the coast of France. It's just sad to hear about more people you know going over there. I respect them and honor them for their job, I just wish our fellow Americans didn't have to be put in harms way.

Now I have myself all sad :-(

In other news, Harry Potter comes out on Wednesday, going to the midnight showing :-D And my beach vacation is just around the corner :-D I'll be in North Carolina from August 2-9 with my dad's entire family. 21 of us ages 74-2months in one house. It is sure to be a great adventure. I look forward to getting to spend that much time with my family. I love them all and even though we all live within a 2 mile radius of each other, our lives keep us soooo busy. It will be nice to spend a week together in the peace and serenity the beach provides. Given my uncle doesn't make us all mad first... I hope it all goes smoothly. My grandma, my last living grandparent's health is starting to really worry me. Her mind is slowly slipping and I'm going to be 100% honest. I'm acting selfish about it. I mean it's only right that I get to have at least 1 grandparent at my wedding right? I pray to God everyday that at least one of my grandparents can survive to see that happy day. It scares me to think that they are all almost gone.

I just keep upsetting myself about all this. One thing is for sure though, I'm going to cherish every moment of this vacation, it's the only one the Wilson family has every taken together, all of us, with the exception of my wonderful Grandpa.

I had a really rough time with the passing of my grandfathers, they were both in the same year, 1996, I was 10 and then my Nana passed in 2007, I won't be ready for this for another 15 years. Is that okay Lord?

It's all in God's hands anyway. I trust him, for a remember a quote Mother Theresa once said "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." and another famous quote "if God will bring you to it, God will bring you through it."

I'll make it, of this I am sure. I just need to right it all out sometimes...

No more

So yesterday I believe I threw myself a little bit of a pity party... as is sometimes just what a girl does... but I don't want anymore of those.

Last night I could not fall asleep for the life of me, the hours slowly ticked away, and I swear, it's always when you know you have to get up insanely early the next day that you tend to not sleep, but as every hour passed and sleep still had not come, I kept praying to God for strength. I knew I had a rough day ahead of me, Tuesday's in my office are CRAZY! lots of doctors and lots of patients, but it was okay. I made it through the day with a suprising amount of energy which is really something given the fact that I only had 4 hours of sleep.

A little while ago fellow employees and I had come across an old calender, you know one of those for every day and it has different Bible verses and other quotes about faith. It always suprises me to know end how much the go with the day I've been having.

For example, take yesterday and how I was feeling sorry for myself and what not. Today, I came into work and low and behold, this was my quote:

"When a person is at his wits end it is not a cowardly thing to pray. It is the only way to get in touch with reality" Oswald Chambers. Pretty cool I'd say.

I drive a car that does not have a working radio. I have a 20-30 minute drive to work everyday and it is especially hard to be alone with your thoughts after a rough day at the office. However, I have taken it to be peaceful and have used it as additional time to spend talking with God. I was never one of those people who blared her music because I value my hearing, but I am one that enjoys "jamming" out (as Nikki would say) every now and then. I have found a lot of peace though in the quiet time with God, I never would have thought of it either if it wouldn't have been for the speakers rotting lol, God works in mysterious ways.

I'm having one of those random thought days. Have you ever seen the movie White Christmas? (If not, you should, makes me cry like a baby), anyway, there is this one song in it that my Nana use to sing called "Count your blessings". I was thinking about that song today and who knows maybe it was a way of my Nana reaching me and helping me out of my "pity party". The song's chours goes, "If you get lonely and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep, and you'll fall to sleep, counting your blessings." And it hit me like a train today at work, as much as my job can be stressful and my personal life can drive me crazy, I am an extremely blessed person. I have a good job, with good employees and I actually get to help people and can put smiles on their faces in the moments of pain, I have the most amazing, wonderful, closely knit family anyone could ever ask for. I know that no matter what I can call up any Aunt, Uncle, cousin, no matter how "far removed" they may be (as laymen sp? terms puts it, my second cousin twice removed) or how "great" (again "great aunt) they may be because my mom and nana raised me to know and love my entirely HUGE family :-D and last but not least, my AMAZING friends who are actually more like family. I have a roof over my head (which use to belong to my grandparents) and the most wonderful dog in the world.

Life is pretty good and my conversation has come full circle. and lastly, I just want to say, that I really miss my Nana. It's hard having a birthday and not getting your annual card from your Nana. She was one of my rocks and really helped me to become the Catholic I am today, and some days it's really hard. Today is one of those days. I miss just being able to call her on the phone. She was awesome. I love her very much. Miss you Nana.

It's my birthday

woo hoo... sorry not very excited about turning 23. No goals have been accomplished and I'm stressing. oh well, who isn't now?? obviously things aren't going to well for pretty much the ENTIRE world, why should it be different for me? I find myself a tad depressed today... don't know why, I just am. Hate to see what I'll be like on my 30th birthday. I did however, get a new camera :-D

ANYWAY, yesterday was a blast! Birthday celebration was fun, lunch with my best friend and then fireworks, but the funniest thing happened AFTER. Shawn hit me in the face with a pie!!! That's one thing I can check off my list of things to do before I die lol it was great! But the highlight of the evening had to be when we were all dancing around with sparklers in Long's Park laughing and talking and this little kid came up and said to us, "hey, can I light my sparkler on your fire?" and we were like What? we turned around and our blanket was on fire! It doesn't sound funny, but it was and I'm still laughing about it, my mom didn't find it so funny, but it's okay because we were all okay and I've been laughing about it all day.

It will be what gets me through my day tomorrow... start work at 7. One of the doctor's is coming in early... *sigh* it will be a long, busy, stressful day and I want to cry thinking about it. Honestly, I can't wait for the day when I can just be a wife and mother.

Oh well, things can only go up from here right Lord? It will get better I know. We all have Mountains to climb, it's like the one song by Lonestar (I LOVE country music fyi) called Mountains, the verse says "The God Lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb" I often think of that song and "If your going through hell" by Rodney Adkins oh and "Stand" by Rascal Flatts (my favorite band! seeing them August 29, have an extra ticket if anyone wants to come!). Seriously, if you have a rough day, check out those songs, a lot of country music is so full of faith, you'll be suprised how much it helps.

Anyway, going to go and watch Cake Boss (so funny!) and then a little of my Orioles, they are on the West Coast and since I have to get up at 6, can't watch it all, but will watch some, go O's win for my birthday. lol.

love you all!
God bless!

23

So here I go off into the great year of 23, well as of Monday of course. I can't help but feel that I haven't actually accomplished my goals thus far. I was hoping to at least have a serious boyfriend by now. Ah well, God has a better plan. But last night I went out and got myself a little early present. I bought a leather journal that was hand made in Tuscany! I LOVE Barnes and Nobles lol, anyway, I've decided that I need to actually do things to get my life where it should be. Prince Charming is not going to just knock on the door one day, but wouldn't that be nice?

I want to do things that scare me, be adventurous and daring and fall deeper in love with my faith. That's why I've decided that for the 365 days I am 23, it will be the year of a journey. I'm going to figure out who I am really and write about every step. I'm very much looking forward to this!

It's the dawn of a new day, and a new me :-D I hope