Feeling Blue

I'm feeling pretty depressed tonight. I found out that my "dream guy" Brian Roberts of the Baltimore Orioles (listed down below) is in fact getting married this month. I am realistic and I know that the odds of me ACTUALLY marrying the man are slim to know (especially know) every girl has that one "fantasy guy" who tops the list of all lists and for me to know he's married sucks. I honestly cried a little. To top it all off, all my friends are going back to school this week, with the exception of Matt and Scott who I love dearly but only ever see at work, 8 hrs every Saturday night... it sucks. I'm 22 years old and I have barely lived, I've done virtually nothing to tell my children about AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN KISSED. I depresses me so much because I don't understand what is so undesireable about me.

Two weeks ago I was talking to Scott and Mikey and I mentioned the fact that I wanted to learn to knit and they laughed and told me to become a old cat lady. It hurt me that two of my guy friends actually said that and I know if Scott knew that it hurt he'd actually feel bad which is why this won't be on facebook...

I have a 5th year High School Reunion coming up this year and it sucks. I am pretty much the same person I was then, same weight, same hair color, same everything. I was always known as the nice girl, which is okay but I'm tired of the rut I am in.

I'm getting old... I'm getting depressed... I'm ending up alone and all I want to do is get married and raise a happy family. I didn't realize it was such a high request. I get to see all the people I love be happy and I can't help but wonder when it will finally be my turn to feel some true happiness. To actually know what it's like to have a real man love you and not have some "Boyfriend" how only dated you because his parents said to. I'm such a loser.

2009 you will all start to see a new Kelly, I've decided to join weight watcher's and get a makeover and be the young adult I should be and not some 40 year old woman because as of right now the only guys hitting on me are 50 year old men and I mean, wtf? seriously...

Here's to finding my new dream guy. If anyone out there can help me find him, please let me know. I'd apprecaite prayers and will pray for you all in return too. God bless! Kelly (I refuse to be an old cat lady or a nun!!)